01 May 2022
We all have to work in teams. Some may be delightful experiences and others trickier.
We can easily get lost in groups and feel that we are not listened to or encouraged to be our best.
There are three main gripes within teams:
- The overbearing ego
- The difficult colleague
- Feeling unappreciated
The overbearing ego
Those with big egos who rule meetings often have not been challenged enough. Perhaps it is time to set your own ‘rules’ for collaborating with them.
Once people are clear on how you maintain your own levels of effectiveness and efficiency, they should meet you halfway. We all respond to those who are positive and agreeable, so present yourself as well as possible.
Let them know your personal and professional boundaries and how you like to conduct yourself. If you are consistent, they will soon get the message.
It is not important to win every battle, so pick those you really feel you need to challenge.
Keep your interactions with them short and sweet and if you find meetings intolerable, suggest a pre-meeting where info is shared beforehand to cut down on face-to-face time.
Big egos are often the result of over inflated importance or a lack of position. Make it clear how you need to ‘do business’ otherwise you may find others’ tricky relationships influence you. Concentrate on improving your own.
There is no need to cross your own line of integrity. Recognise their ‘position’ within the team, whilst trying to find a way to make your 1:1 situation more acceptable.
How you walk your walk with them is key to managing your feelings.
The difficult colleague
This is a key problem in most organisations.
It is tricky when you feel continually irritated by a colleague. Rather than mentally list all your grievances, turn the thoughts inside out and look at how YOU interact with them.
It is unlikely you will mould them into your ideal co-worker, so look at what you can do to make things more harmonious. With a few tweaks, you may find things move towards a new acceptance.
No matter what someone else’s relationship with a colleague, carve out your own way of working together, based on your own standards of behaviour.
Find out about them. Knowledge is power and can provide insight into what makes them show up each day with a distant attitude.
Perhaps you could look at your own judgement system and see why you feel they are ‘falling short’ of your expectations.
If we change how we see them, things could change for the better. For example:
- How could you make things easier for both of you?
- What challenges do they have?
- What are they finding difficult?
Look for something you can appreciate. Find a way in. Remember your goal - to develop a way of harmonious working.
Do what feels right to you. Once you start to listen to what is important to them, you may find a way to build a stronger rapport based on equality and encouragement.
Look for common ground and work on shared solutions.
Feeling unappreciated
In both big and small teams, we can feel lost in the hierarchy, or in the strength of personalities. But try not to let what you ‘do’ affect how you perceive yourself in the Team.
What we do is not a measure of who we are. We are so much more than our work.
Be clear on ‘what you bring to the table’. Appreciate your strengths. Understand how your characteristics can support the larger team and be ready to offer these when you can.
If someone has not spotted your innate special abilities – be proud about sharing!
It is good to feel you are doing your best in any given situation (personally and professionally). That comes from being solid on your own sense of worth – without letting your ego get too out of control!
When you are clear on your own sense of value to the team, continue to be your best self and show up with enthusiasm.
Once the team culture is strong, everyone benefits – especially if no-one minds who gets the credit!
Love and light,
Geraldine
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