01 Nov 2021
Make no mistake about it, Gossip and Gripes lead to Grievances. And any part of this can bring you down. There are many things at stake here – personal well being and the school culture.
I have worked with a number of Education Managers and they, on their own, do not make or break the collective feeling of a Team. Everyone plays their part. From thinking well to working well with others.
But all this comes as a result of feeling supported and appreciated. It is a conundrum. What comes first?
It is a rare person who doesn’t like a chin-wag. Often it is a way of getting through the tedium. As long as you are not the subject of the tittle-tattle, it is all ok.
Is it? Really?
I have been on the end of a shake down on a couple of occasions for speaking out. Speaking out can be seen as undermining behaviour if it does not support the common good. We would all like to think we are working with caring colleagues. But it is not always the case.
When Ego is snubbed, things can shift quickly from a rumble to a roar. And persuasive grievance instigators can take passengers too. I have seen it. It can get messy.
But we all need to feel appreciated and when we are not, we tend to grumble to anyone who will listen. When we do not feel satisfied with the outcome of a 1st step grumble, we often feel obliged (for Face Sake) to take it up a gear.
It can happen all too quickly. And the sorry process ends when the final say rests with those totally disinterested or detached from the emotion of the story (often HR).
Emotions
It is hard, I know, to detach our feelings when we feel ‘wronged’. We put great store on reputation and standing. Companies even have brand slogans encouraging employees to demonstrate their commitment to an ‘I am All In’ group ethos.
Cultures can be hard to accept when they’re pitched from the top down.
At HMP, when we need to flag up any incident, we escalate the facts to higher lines of engagement. There is no emotion in the telling. Just the What, How, Who, Where and When.
It is not up to us to unravel the Why or come up with a solution. There’s no room for personal opinion. It could lead to misinterpretation and delay. A quick response here really is the prime concern – not the embellishment of fiction.
How many of us can say we pare things down to basics like this when we feel up against it? How far are we driven to ‘tell a story’?
Perhaps we could learn a thing or two there and detach ourselves from the immediate emotion of confrontation.
Care and Consideration
The common thread to our responses to our colleagues should be Care and Consideration.
We are only going to care a jot about someone if we get to know them. So take those steps.
When you know more about what makes people tick, you will understand them better. And knowing informs how you think.
As Gandhi reminds us,
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny
It ends with a mighty thought but see how simply and insignificantly the process starts!
When we are considerate, drop the Ego, and stop feeling we are ‘better than’ others, we move into more acceptance, less judgement and more flow. These are all elements of Mindfulness.
I have seen way too many Grievances brought against colleagues. This is not the way to work in harmony and balance.
A Colleague Challenge
How does this work for the common good? How does a ‘who does s/he think he is?’ attitude help up move effortlessly through our day?
When I speak on Communication with Colleagues, I often get asked how to handle difficult staff members.
When we let in spite, fear, and separation we’ve let pride and ego overrule sense.
No-one wins when we allow ourselves to move through the Gossip, Gripes and Grievances process. Except perhaps a part of us that we should leave at the gate.
I challenge you. Think of a colleague you have a grumble with and try to think kindly of them for at least today. See them in a different perspective. Look for something positive to commend them and work on your lines of communication.
Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes may not take you where you want to go, right now, but it is a great first step.
Get your copy of Gossip, Gripes and Grievances handout at https://www.geraldinejozefiak.com/gossip
Emotional Intelligence is ‘People Skills’ currency for today’s workplace. You will find details of my CPD training courses at: https://www.geraldinejozefiak.com/CPDtraining
Would you like me to come and speak to your group, Conference or CPD meeting? Details at https://www.geraldinejozefiak.com/speaking
You can contact me at hello@geraldinejozefiak.com